I had a goal. Okay, I still have a goal – to finish my story this month. Not as a part of NaNo, I want this to be good – not something I have to try and decipher later. I’m so close. Two chapters to finish. And I’m stuck. I know what happens. I know how it happens. I know the last line. I know this story. So why can’t I write it? This may come as a surprise. but I have several theories about this.
The first one is feedback. I know, kind of weird, isn’t it? We all need feedback on our writing. It’s how we get better and find our mistakes. But, from personal experience, I’ve found that letting someone read my work before I’m done is a huge distraction. I always say I won’t let anyone read it until I’m done, but I always cave. Once I do, my writing stalls. I ask people to read because I want to know if my writing and storytelling is any good. In my head, this is the greatest story ever, but all writers think that about their work. I just want to know if it’s interesting, readable, etc. I crave the feedback. However, it doesn’t matter whether the feedback is positive or negative, it stalls me. In this case, I had both positive and some not so positive – which leads me to my next theory.
Critique partners. Ergh. Except for one, I’ve lost contact with my old critique partners and a lot of them have either stopped writing or changed directions. So. I have to start at the beginning. Once I got some feedback, I started panicking about critiques. I joined several writing sites, posted my first chapter, chatted with a few people and exchanged first chapters privately for critique purposes. One word: disaster. Have you ever received a chapter for critique and you know it’s not going to work as soon as you open the document? That’s happened to me twice in the past few weeks. In looking for a critique partner, you want someone who’s at about the same level as you or above. I’ll gladly help anyone as much as I can, but I won’t write someone’s book for them or let someone try to intimidate me to cover their lack of experience. In any case, I got so wrapped up in finding a perfect critique partner, that I got distracted from my story. Finding a critique partner is difficult. You have to get to know the other person’s writing and build a relationship of trust, based on honesty.
My final theory is a result of the other two theories. My confidence in my story and writing has been shaken. Not shattered, just shaken. As much as I wanted feedback, I wasn’t ready to address all the other issues it brought with it. I will finish this story, but I’ve learned this lesson again – I can’t share my work before it’s done. I was on such a roll there for about three weeks. I wrote almost sixty thousand words during that time. I love the story and wanted to share it, to see if it was as good as I thought and hoped. Don’t worry, I didn’t send out the full story to anyone. I’m not that green. Just the first chapter which has been revised many times and polished. The majority of the feedback was good, really good, but it didn’t matter. I broke my roll because I wanted to jump ahead. Now I have to find my way back to the story… after I go check the writing sites to see if anyone has commented on my chapter.